Must-reads

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Motto

"But what does it profit a man if he gains the entire world but loses his soul?"
 -- Matthew 16:26

The time has come to declare what I will  hope will be my modus vivendi for the rest of my life. I apologise to the atheistically-inclined among us for choosing such a nakedly Biblical passage for what is a very symbolic and substantive statement. But funnily enough, hours of (seeming) Bible recitation did not produce this affinity with the quote. I came upon it during the dénouement of my muse's revelatory The Picture of Dorian Gray. Clearly, the whole point is to not forget about the spiritual side of things when earthly possessions come your way. 


An interesting twist is to invert the key subjects in the quote: "But what does it a profit a man if he gains his soul but loses the entire world?" The message here: You can try to be godlike on God's green earth, but you won't be able to share it with anyone. 


The obvious conclusion then is to toe Aristotle's Golden Mean; this is worth a (fairly wordy) blog post in itself; apparently similar concepts appear under different names, like the Confucian Doctrine of the Mean and the Buddhist "middle way". To spare the sanity of my readers, and the lucidity of my writing in this post thus far, (steady, boy) I won't go on to a tangential history of the Golden Mean blah blah blah. 


The whole point is that I have articulated, in the computerised version of permanent marker, a simple worldview that I will try - and just as often as not, fail - to live by, keeping in mind the consequences of what the inverse has waiting 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A thought bubble

Two things struck me as Google Chrome opened to its eponymous search engine today:
1)Who is Mies van der Rohe? (Judging by the layout of the title, he/she was some sort of architect, designer &c)
2) Why do we need to celebrate his 126th birthday?

Obviously, Wiki can help me with the first question, but the second remains far more apocryphal. Someone out there knows the answer, and if they see this post within a year (obviously before Van der Rohe's 127th birthday), I wonder if I would be able to be privy to the information

#justsayin

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The ingredients of a good zinger

No, faceless KFC executive, I'm not some pissed-off, lone-wolf former employee/slave of the Colonel about to reveal the secrets to the greatest foodstuff since sliced bread. Hell, you should be thanking me profusely for not suing you to kingdom come after your totally euphemistically-titled "burger" The Double made me as sick as a dog, and then some. And then I had to go for my driver's test the following day while, in the words of Jacko (the Aussie one), "me brain hurt", a mountain of mucous was stuck in my nose and an avalanche of tissues was needed to get a snowball's worth of snot out (TMI?). I passed (but luckily didn't pass out), probably because the fella from VicRoads fell asleep for some portion of the journey.

This is, however, tangential to the main argument of my article. Very tangential.

It seems to me that the art of telling a good "zinger" - or one-liner, quip, whatever takes your fancy - is slowly dying, like the gentle art of making enemies (some may think me very proficient in this); I am of course referring to the Whistler book and not the Faith No More song. No, in all seriousness (ha!), I think it is time to expound upon a new philosophy, one that will expand upon the New Hedonism and even the Aestheticism that my muse for this blog helped to develop: Zingerism, anybody? (Let's hope that any of the Jewish faith of the Hebrew nation doesn't derive this to create Zionist Zingerism; Aestheticist Zingerism sounds marginally better, if only because it would take in the A-Z of philosophy.)

What am I on about? I want to deconstruct what it means not to tell a good joke but the way in which its humour is magnified. This is done by making a nicely-timed comment, here referred to as a "zinger" and signified by exclaiming "Zing!" at the appropriate moment, that emphasises or highlights the humour of the moment. A zinger is best approximated when considering the moments after somebody tells a joke. The Zingerite (Zingeree?) applies his or her philosophy by seasoning the joke with a bit of a wisenheimer comment. The point here is to be as rude and as crude as the Zingerite can possibly be - innuendo of the sexual nature always goes a treat and if the Zingerite can insult either the host or the joke-teller - or both - then their zinger is highly rated

What, then, is the key to creating the perfect zinger? A solid reference to pop culture - and pop politics - is always handy. Clearly, the current hipster generation, judging by the stereotypes being shared around like some venereal disease, has a treasure trove of useless facts just like some golden treasure chest full of loose leaf paper waiting to be opened for a purpose such as this.

What is the purpose? It is to make yourself believe you are utterly and uselessly intelligent, and that's before the alcohol (and/or drugs) kicks in. In a word then, it is entirely and shamelessly a self-indulgent party trick, much more purposeful and "fun" than, y'know, getting water into a glass from a plate without anyone touching the plate.   

Apart from being a mediocre burger (alright, yes, I admit I do have a secret addiction to it), a zinger can be used to make an already-good party great with witty banter seasoning the conversation. Adherents to this new philosophy of Zingerism, with the muse of this blog as its figurehead, will be the first to realise the joy that the zinger - the after-joke, not the burger - provides.






Thursday, December 15, 2011

On Defecating Bricks

The action on Facebook tonight: Various friends bemoan the arrival of tomorrow's ATAR scores - the set of numbers that will determine, at least in the immediate future, our career pathways. One warns customers to be prepared for a cantankerous checkout chick while others look into the ether for help on receiving the most "efficient" mode of getting their scores (a surprising, if not unexpected, comment regarding the Nazis was made on one such status).

The culmination of the various portion of 13 years of industrious work - or lack thereof - will become tangible tomorrow. Some may have put in the effort for the 2 years - the technical duration of the VCE but it is possible to stretch it out to 3 - others just the one year and some may have only known good study habits for 6 months. On a personal level, I felt I could have worked harder for the first half of this year before I clamped down for the November exams. This was especially the case when I had already achieved a study score in the top 3.5% of the state for Literature last year.

Whatever situation a student finds themselves in, there needs to be a check-in not with hysteria but with reality. The whole reason that we are subjected to this method of evaluation is that all parties concerned with our education - employers, tertiary institutions, the VCAA, our peers and, most importantly, our own egos - can determine just where we stand. I've heard that, apparently, fellow tortured students in Britain receive only end-of-year grade markings, and their relative worth to universities is determined by extracurricular activities. It's a noble idea, but I've come to believe that statistical moderation is far superior to this sort of contextual determination. At the end of the day, your volunteering at the local soup kitchen for a couple of hours each week has no bearing on how successful you will be in completing your Juris Doctor with honours.

Of course, some will feel disappointment. It's a natural part of the whole scholastic cycle. I can write this with some ease as I have been provisionally offered to study a Bachelor of Communication (Media) at RMIT. I would say to those people that your response to the setback defines you more as a person than the setback itself ever does. There is a beautiful short story by Isaac Asimov - and I'll be darned if I can remember the name of it - that exposes final exams in the future - which are roughly analogous to the importance of my exams for future success on steroids on methamphetamines. The crux of the story is that he seemingly fails all his exams - only in the last paragraph is his result revealed to be special enough to be deemed an educator and smarter than most other people. The whole point is that while it sounds clichéd, it might just be good advice to follow the wisdom of The Rolling Stones - "You can't always get what you want, but you find sometimes that you might just get what you need".

Anyway, I'm off now to watch "Peep Show", possibly one of the funniest shows I have ever seen. I hope to sleep well, and wake up nice and late so I don't stress too much about receiving the SMS with my ATAR score - a score that will influence quite heavily my immediate future. I hope I do well and I hope that you, dear reader, can be satisfied with such an epochal set of numbers 

Sunday, December 11, 2011

"The Fonz of the Eighteenth Century"

Well, I'm back from my little sabbatical, but I don't think cramming for my Year 12 exams - since July! - was any kind of break. Anywho, published hereunder - I always wanted to use that word - is my second piece in this year's edition of the Emmanuel College Literary Journal, a small prècis of whom a friend of mine considers to be the "Fonz of the Eighteenth Century" and general meme superstar, Joseph Ducruex.

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After consulting with my Design Editor, Troy Torcasio, about the front cover that should be used for the second edition of the Literary Journal , I suggested a reference to current Internetz culture, viz. the Joseph Ducreux meme. (Okay, there was no suggestion at all; it was actually me exercising arbitrary power in a sign of my becoming mad with power, or the low-fat sugar-free version that comes in the position I hold). Before anyone invokes Rule 1, I offer the following: we must subscribe to the doctrine of Wikipedia, where all human knowledge is available for all. Anywho, the point is that Mr. Torcasio, upon seeing the infamous self-portrait (“Portrait of an artist in the guise of a joker”, left), described him as being “the Fonz of the eighteenth century”. At first I thought it was an interpretation based in the plane of imagination, but as I will prove – eventually – it may be that this is a concept grounded a little more in reality.       
Born in Nancy, to the northeast of Paris, on June 26, 1735, Ducreux trained with his father – also a painter – before moving to the City of Light in 1760. There, he studied portraiture under the tutelage of Maurice-Quentin de la Tour.
His first big assignment came in 1769 when he was sent to Vienna to paint the wife of the future king, or dauphin, for his appraisal and approval. As those who have studied the French Revolution will know, the marriage of Louis XVI and Marie-Antoinette caused consternation and even outright anger in the years before the taking of the Bastille and the eventual establishment of the republic. I am not for one unit of time insinuating that Ducreux has some hitherto-unseen blame to take for the loss of a 200-year monarchy, but one wonders of course, if one were to be endowed with Doctor Who-like time travelling powers, (actually, I’ll think I’ll go with Doc “Great Scott” Brown and his wacko DeLorean) what the consequences would be of preventing Ducreux’s passage to Vienna. The response would surely involve the impossibility of one’s current existence, due to one’s accidental murdering of some obscure relative of one...but, as with most things with me, that’s kindling for another fire.
In any case, Ducreux was made premier peintre de la reine (“first painter to the Queen”, for all you Francophobes) for his work, and also became a baron.
As the first heads were being lopped off at the outbreak of the French Revolution, Ducreux travelled to London to produce the last portrait of Louis XVI, left – a gloomy monarch shows little emotion as he is captured in a stiff, collared shirt, far removed from his days of opulence during the ançien regime.
Upon returning to Paris in 1793, Ducreux stayed at the residence of Jacques-Louis David, the de facto painter of the revolution. He died in 1802, on the road between Paris and Saint-Denis, a small northern suburb.
SIGNIFICANCE


Ducreux’s more memorable works call to mind the tronies, or portraits produced during the Dutch Golden Age (the 17th century) focussing on the face. These illustrations were the caricatures of the day, emphasising distorted facial features in place of reality. Adriaen Brouwer’s “The Bitter Tonic”, right, is emblematic of this genre – the image depicts a plebeian regretting, with a distaste that is almost audible, his choice of refreshment. Similar to his contemporary Rembrandt, Brouwer sought to challenge the limitations of a two-dimensional representation. In Ducreux reviving what was essentially a disestablishmentarian spirit, he rejected the notions of hierarchy pervading the French Academy of Painting and Sculpture – even though he was a commoner he was able to flourish under the patronage of Marie-Antoinette.
So what is the point of Ducreux’s renaissance on the Internet? I was not around when some random started the meme – “ye olde” English imposed on modern pop culture references (the idea of an ancient Frenchman “speaking” outdated English to comment on current culture is actually quite surreal). But if I were to posit an opinion – and this is presupposing a knowledge of Ducreux’s context – it would be that Ducreux’s rebellionism is an outlet for the anonymous to vent their spleen about the jarring and obfuscating nature of current English use, a crime of which I am guilty as much as Kevin Rudd and any communicator of his ilk. By continuing this meme, people are able to tangibly subvert what has become of leitmotif of our political life: the intersection between the politicians that speak and write the almost-meaningless words, the media that report and compartmentalise them and the consumer that digests them – in both the original and reported forms. This subversion takes place because of the frustration that takes place when witnessing this never-ending cycle of political discourse. In a word (yeah, right), Ducreux’s rebirth could be just as important as the Occupy movement that is currently occurring worldwide.           
Raised from the dead to be feted throughout the hallowed pages of the Internet, Joseph Ducreux and his wonderful self-portrait have become, for me at least, an icon for freedom and individualistic joie de vivre. Upon further consideration, it may be that Ducreux’s oeuvre is illustrative of rebellionism, a trait shared by everybody’s favourite 1950s sitcom character (or at least my Design Editor’s) – the Fonz. 

Monday, July 25, 2011

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 Review

"This is the end.../My only friend, the end..."
            - The Doors, "The End"

In the case that you will state your current residential address as "under a rock" in the upcoming census, you will not have realised that the film to end all films (no, seriously, it's the last film in the series) just came out - therefore you should all go out and watch it, making the bosses of Werribee Plaza - oh, and those people that made the film as well, I guess - a bucketload of money.

As Harry Potter 7 Part 2 (I distinctly recall seeing it referred to as Harry Potter 7.5 - or maybe it's just my imagination running away, to quote The Rolling Stones) got underway, I felt a weird parallel with my own drawn-out conclusion to schooling life. Well, without the Death Eaters roaming around (or maybe...nah...) and the Horcruxes to find and the stone guards to defend the school in case of an existential crisis (how cool are they?!!!) and whatnot. But, it is a poignant reminder of how little time I have left.

...And the movie started. What I actually didn't like about this film is that the expectation surrounding it outweighed its quality. In this day and age, where we can watch people do heinous things with a cup with each other on YouTube and troll classmates for the immediate shock reaction, we don't hold out for the big things anymore. This idea is essentially known among boffins as the decline of social capital and has gained prominence since it was first raised in the 1990s - maybe this film has more to do with our social environment than we think.

But then, why did I see the movie? No, it wasn't to rant and rave about our crumbling society and compare the apparent decline of the West to the fall of the Roman Empire, which is an interesting idea in itself but probably kindling for another fire. I saw it because I was curious, something that mastermind JK Rowling has been able to exploit since she published the first book in 1997. And there probably is a joy in finishing something that you started - something that teachers should tell more to procrastinating students.

This movie is probably one of the few that you can do a Jim Schembri -  a former St. Paul's collegian, I am reliably informed - and give away the ending to a movie but get away with it. Instead, it is worth celebrating the actors that make this film memorable: Alan Rickman, for one, as the severe Professor Snape makes his swansong in a remarkable manner. His performance was emotionally raw and I finally saw his true character. It was sort of like reading Great Expectations by Dickens but finding that it actually wasn't that good - it's nice that the audience sees a new side of a character but it's a bit futile given it's in the final half of a film series totalling about 20 hours. I guess Rowling and Warner Bros. are having the last laugh.

What amounted to a cameo by Professor McGonagall (Maggie Smith) was also enjoyable. She reminded me, in this film especially, of someone who appears to be haughty and aloof but is actually quite caring when the chips are down; it was a nice touch from director David Yates and screenwriter Steve Kloves.

Any last word on this film must go to Neville Longbottom (Matthew Lewis). Even as he is tormented by Voldemort - not in a physical sense as per usual, but because of his rather unfortunate name - he is able to justify and vindicate his existence in the most helpful way possible. Imagine walking out of the exams at the end of the year and intuitively knowing that you did all you could and you got what you needed for your career pathway - it's something like that here, except the imagery is more striking.

All in all, a touching film and one that will be remembered for a long time - it may be watched only once or twice at mose by many but that's no reason for studio execs to be dismayed. And if they somehow feel that this hurts the lining of their back pocket, they could always persuade Channel 9 to show the series every couple of months. It's not like they would be increasing its frequency that much, anyway.         

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Once Upon a Time in the West

"Go west, young man"
                           - Horace Greeley

Used in an 1865 editorial by the New York Tribune editor and "self-appointed chief of staff of the New York newspaper generals" (according to Wikipedia, but what would they know?) in perhaps another context, it is the quote that came to mind when I had the idea for this post.
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Over the past few years, I have been lucky enough to savour and taste the full gamut of flavours that are the western suburbs. It is this love affair, then, that, like a bipolar Jack, keeps the stroke betwixt my moues of apathy and my wild, passionate sentiments. Who can blame me? The western suburbs is at once a vivacious organism and a slow, dying red giant. Perhaps it would be best to let me explain.

After a busy day biwinning at school (I am the lucky recipient of both tiger blood and Adonis DNA, naturally), I observe the comings and goings of other Western Melburnians while listening to the back catalogues of Talking Heads and The Clash. It seems to me that people born and bred, or just living, this side of the Yarra are imbued with a special sense of optimism, one forged in the fire of adversity. I first came across this thought, believe it not, on election day last year, when I was forced to take a 40-minute bus trip home after Metro decided to fix up some signal box, or something - I don't remember the vagaries. Some people remember their first kiss, others their first solo drive. Weird, neurotic people like me remember irrelevant thoughts. Anywho, I must press on, as I know the ECLJ IT Department will kill me for spoiling their tea binge-drinking days and making them do a scrap of work.

As I was saying, optimism. Ah yes! Whether it be in the store retailer who knows anyone in their semi-sane mind will not purchase their wares but keeps en garde looking for customers, or in the ex-druggie pleading with the bus driver that he has no change/lost his wallet &c, it is heartwarming to see that the "little Aussie battler" still lives, long after Ernie Siegley passed on. As the days become cooler, as the nights become longer, there is a fire, an intensity in people's eyes that shows their conviction, their desire (perhaps a common trait among all of us) to make a good thing better - from the anonymous man who runs the awesome donut van next to Footscray Station to the various administrators of sport in the West who wake up before the cock crows for a pure love of the game. As a general rule, perhaps, I have found, in my own dealings, that people on this side of the Yarra just seem more genuine in their behaviour - maybe because, in the words of Bob Dylan and probably many others, "if you ain't got nothing, you got nothing to lose". However, the outliers that I know - whose fortune has granted them not only a reputable birthplace but, more importantly, an extremely personable character - preclude me from declaring "quad erat demonstrandum" and making this theorem a law.

What disenheartens me when I think of the West is the fatal flaws in its character, which are often the same that make it so great. One example is a visceral fear of not grandiloquence, but greatness. I feel we are right to shun the excesses of the former but we take it too far when we avoid the latter. I see that we, collectively, are too happy to embrace the status quo, which in part explains the rise of conservatism. Our atypical life experiences should provide a springboard for alternative ideas and practices, but too often we ignore our uniqueness to return to safe, stale ideas. It is the real-life equivalent of slipping on a Snuggie as soon as you get home from school or wake up on the weekend. Imagine a society in which we ridicule conservatism as much as we do the Snuggie. Imagine if one of us were to come up with a set of ideas, a worldview, that shook the West from its slumber of apathy. Perhaps that was the true spirit of Horace Greeley's dictum